In Luke 23, Jesus tells us that in order to come for him, we must deny ourselves and carry our cross daily. It is through this self-denial that we overcome sin. When we carry our cross daily, we emulate the suffering that Jesus went through for our sake and in this way, we show graciousness and acknowledge His suffering on our behalf.
Denying oneself is actually denying the sins and temptations that one encounters on a daily basis. We are all born out of sin and no matter how pious we may be, we inevitably face temptations without end. Thus, we must defend ourselves and be strengthened on a daily basis by giving praise to Jesus and remembering how he suffered for our sake.
The psychological benefits of self-denial result in having more self-control. In a society that is governed by chasing endless instant gratification, having self-control serves as a buffer between a hedonic impulse and the carrying out of said impulse. A pang of hunger might spur you to roam your pantry in search of some junk food that can be made instantly or to order fast food that comes right to your door. But with some self-control, you could forgo eating until set mealtimes and you can prepare something healthier rather than stuffing your face with whatever pre-packaged foods you have on hand.
Self-denial functions as a way to build self-discipline. The goal of discipline is not to be arbitrarily restrictive, rather a disciplined person knows that self-denial serves a higher purpose. By curbing excess, one learns to live in moderation, which was the desired state for ancient Stoics. Moderation as a virtue allows one to recognize what limits they have, and what capabilities they have to work with limited resources.
The Painter with Less and the Painter with More
In a world filled with seemingly infinite ways to gratify oneself, making a choice to deny any of those gratifications is true freedom. I’ll illustrate this with an example. There are two painters who are commissioned for a project. The one who finishes first will be chosen. One painter has very little means and resources, while the other has an over abundance of resources. They are both given a set amount of time to complete their project. The painter with less gathers the 5 paints that he owns, the 2 brushes that, despite being old, are incredibly well taken care of, and the last piece of canvas he has. The painter with more ponders over the 100 fresh paints he has. He looks over his 50 different brushes and his multiple canvases of varying sizes.
The painter with less has already begun his painting. He masterfully mixes his 5 colors to create variety and has already developed an idea and color scheme. He knows exactly what brush strokes he wants and how to fill out his canvas.
The painter with more struggles to come up with an idea and color scheme. “If I use these 10 colors, then I can mix them this way, oh but if I use these other colors I can mix them that way. I could use big brush strokes and then add some detail, or I could use medium strokes and fill details as I go. I could make a great big painting like a mural, or maybe something small, or perhaps more standard sized?...” The list goes on.
By the time the painter with more finally makes his decisions, the painter with less is already well on his way. This makes the painter with more feel rushed. He normally feels no doubt about his abilities, but this initial setback has him questioning his skills.
Meanwhile, the painter with less is deeply engrossed. He is in his zone. The painter with more is struggling to focus. All he can see is the end goal.
The painter with more finishes first, but the painter with less keeps on painting. “Why do you keep on painting? Don’t you see I’ve already won? boasted the painter with more.
The painter with less smiles, unaffected by his confederate’s boasting. “You lost from the moment you began because you forgot about the most important part of creating art.”
“And what exactly is that?” the painter with more retorted.
“Spirit” the painter with less whispered.
The commissioner returns and the painter with more cries out, “Look! I’ve finished first. That means you must commission me for the art.”
The commissioner takes one glance at the art and begins to laugh.
“You expect me to pay you for that?! You cannot be serious! My own child has created better art than that! No sir,” the commissioner turns his attention to the painter with less.
“Now this is something worth commissioning. It’s full of depth and soul. I can feel the grace with which it was created. Looking at your work gives me an anxiety attack!”
And indeed it would, for it was created in a state of anxiety.
Despite having more resources and more choices, the painter with more fared worse off because he’s used to everything being neat and easy. The painter with less knows what it means to struggle. Life’s circumstances have created lack and restriction, but he overcomes those restrictions with grace.
Many people do not suffer from privation; they do not know what it means to make due or do without. American culture is filled with such luxury, that it becomes necessary to choose privation through self-denial. The difficulty is in making that choice in spite of the bombardment of attention-seeking temptations that fill our lives daily.
Short-Term Vs. Long-Term Gratification
The reason for self-denial is rooted in sacrifice. The reason we make sacrifices is to optimize our lives in a way that drives us forward into the future. Self-denial is the distinguishing factor between the temptation of short-term gratification and the virtuous striving for long-term gratification.
These concepts are certainly nothing new, and it is clear even to those who do not partake in any self-denial that it is objectively better to delay gratification for a larger reward in the future. Children may not recognize this difference (see the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment), but as adults with essentially unlimited access to studies and resources on the internet, there’s no getting away from this knowledge.
The Stanford Marshmallow Test showed that the children who waited to eat the marshmallow because of the promise of receiving another marshmallow after some time had passed were much more likely to be successful. Subsequent studies on the kids years later provided researchers with results that showed higher test scores, less instances of substance abuse, less obesity rates, better social skills, and overall more self-control.
This study provides evidence of the kind of effects that self-denial can have, and show that those who sacrifice the short-term for the long-term have generally higher rates of success in achievement-oriented aspects of life, and in health.
Those who are able to better project themselves into the future know that engaging in gratifyingly dangerous activities now will have irreversible consequences later, which would deter them from self-gratification. A person concerned about their health and physique will avoid unhealthy foods, smoking, alcohol, and a sedentary lifestyle and choose to fill their bodies with nutritious foods and occupy their time with lots of activity.
It comes down to the behavioral patterns one sets themselves up with in life. Those with less impulse control will settle for meager rewards that gratify them in the moment. Their behaviors will then structure around the fulfillment of short-term gratification. Not only that, but many forms of instant gratification are extremely addictive and can very easily restructure the brain neurochemically through its reward systems.
Long-term gratification requires behavioral patterns to be constructed as well, but these patterns are rooted in sacrifice. They do not provide immediate gratification and require consistent effort in order to achieve their future goal. However, forming the habits that are geared towards the fulfillment of long-term goals are overall more beneficial in many different areas of life, as shown by the Stanford Marshmallow Test.
Nurturing Discipline
Our culture is built and geared towards being able to satisfy our many desires with as much ease as possible. Given the prevalence of temptation, it may feel impossible to resist. How are we supposed to defend ourselves from sin when we are completely outnumbered and surrounded by it? Of course, the first thing to do is to pray to Jesus and ask for His help, but practical steps also need to be taken.
Fasting
Fasting is the abstinence of eating food for a given period of time. It is one form of self-denial that has a myriad of physical, mental and spiritual benefits. Spiritually speaking, this form of self-denial seems to curb other fleshly desires. Accepting the feelings of hunger allows one to make peace with the temptations that are felt without following the urge to act them out.
Fasting has been shown to improve memory, cognitive functioning, learning, alertness, and physical endurance in animals, and it’s possible that these effects are true for humans as well. Speaking from personal experience, I have felt all of these traits during fasts and noticed that my tolerance for discomfort increased dramatically.
With the numerous effects that fasting has on the brain, body, and spirit, it is likely the most applicable form of self-denial to begin a journey of learning self-control and breaking addictive habits. There are exceptions, like those who need to be on a specific diet or have some other condition in which fasting would be detrimental.
No Masturbation
Masturbation is already viewed as sinful and immoral in God’s eyes, but that clearly doesn’t stop people from doing it. Many people find themselves addicted to this particular desire, and its negative effects can be devastating. In the same way that eating food makes one feel satiated, sexual release provides the same levels of comfort. Also like food however, once is never enough. The feelings of gratification very quickly dissipate after the deed is done, only to resurface a day or perhaps even mere hours later. The need for sexual relief becomes a lifestyle that is rooted in the sacrifice for the short-term. This is due to the sense of temporary fulfillment that comes with sexual release.
If you know that you can continually provide your own sexual release, why would you need to find a relationship or start a family? The answer is that you wouldn’t and many people aren’t. The danger of falling into habitual sexual gratification is abundantly clear, even if people don’t want to accept it. If you’re looking to have something fulfilling and meaningful in your life for the long-term, you won’t find it in your pants.
Seek a committed relationship
What better way to learn how to self-sacrifice by tying yourself together with another person to be responsible for. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll magically know how to deny yourself and set long-term goals, rather it provides an opportunity to learn how to sacrifice for the sake of another. This becomes quite obvious if children become involved, but again, and very unfortunately, a relationship and children do not automatically beget self-denial. You have to make that choice.
You want someone who wants the best for the best part of yourself, not someone who will placate you and allow you to continue gratifying the part of yourself that desires to stay childlike. Seeking and finding a genuine relationship like this is the hardest of these options, but it can have the most profound impact on your life, should you allow it the opportunity.
All sin demands excessive fulfillment of fleshly desires. Gluttony overeats; Pride overcompensates for the ego; Wrath is overly aggressive and violent; Sloth is excessively indolent; Envy is over-jealous; Greed is overly materialistic; Lust is overly sexual. Repeated allowances for sin results in a shadowy possession that seeks its object of desire as much as it wants, and as quickly as possible. Many people are choosing to live this way today, but look at what’s happening in our world. Higher than ever divorce rates, less children being born due to lack of relationships and abortion, the removal of all things traditional for a faux sense of “progress,” the allowance of sexual deviancy to infiltrate the minds of our youth, the breakdown of both masculine and feminine archetypes; there’s so much that has resulted from the inability to deny oneself tempting, hedonic, selfish, short-term pleasures.